Eileen's Memories

Here are some memories written by Mom's good friend Eileen Maresh, who worked in the lab with her in Valley City and also took care of Mom at our house during the day (in shifts with others) after Mom came home from the hospital in 1989.

Everyone remembers Diane's perfect penmanship and how she could fit everything on the little lines that were on the lab slips when the rest of us would take at least 2..

One day Diane and I were working early shift..I thought something looked different, but couldn't figure it out.

About 2 hours later it hit me--her wig was on backwards! We laughed about it all day, but then I had my sweater on wrong side out and no one told me until 2:00.

Glenny and I took Diane out for coffee. We got her back in the car and Glenny bumped the automatic locks locking Diane in the car and Glenny and I were standing outside. After alot of coaxing Diane got the lock undone, but what was really funny Glenny hadn't closed the backend of her Suburban tight so we could have just crawled in that way. All of this happened on our way home.

When we first got to Kenny's (Restaurant) we had Diane in her wheelchair and a gust of wind blew her down the frontage road with us chasing after her.

One of my most favorite things is the day I asked the girls if they had all the stuff they needed for school as I had made a couple of trips to school with stuff. We were going through the list and Kati asked me how come I knew to ask about that stuff.

Kari looked at her and said, "Experience!"

How about the time the twins made salads with rhubarb leaves and had to have their stomachs cleaned out and how they wouldn't eat anything green forever...do they now?? (Ed. note from Solveig - this was Kati, not both twins. Kati does eat green things now! :-)

I hope this helps out a bit..We all loved working with Diane and she was like a little detective when working in Bacti.

Eileen

Dream triggered by CS memorial, relating back to childhood

Not sure if this dream really fits in this blog but I wanted to write it down while I am still worked up about it.

First of all, people in the dream talk about wanting Mirabel to be better taken care of, I wanted to clarify that Mirabel is standing in for myself and the twins when we were little - I don't think anyone could stand up and say anything bad about Mirabel or David and Segen, like this. David is doing a great job. My dad did a great job too.

So the beginning of this dream, I was in a library - I think it was the Valley City library but it was bigger. People from high school who I recently connected with on Facebook were there, like Troy Durham, others, but no one was talking to each other because it was a library. I thought I would touch base with them later.

Some other stuff happened and then the whole thing changed to a big auditorium. It was a church service, but with people more like the ones we went to church with in the past, not UUFRC people. But Julia was the minister.

I was up in the balcony of the auditorium (or a stadium? Like Billy Graham) and there was a time announced for Joys and Sorrows/like comments.

This older couple were sitting near me and the woman stood up and said that she just wished those Stoutamire kids were better taken care of. That they looked all messy. She didn't offer anything to help the situation (even if it was true).

I could not believe she would say something like that! So I stood up and said something like "How dare you! She's just a little girl! I think she looks fine. Shut up!"

And I sat down and thought - "wow, now all these people will hate me, they probably agree with her, and it's me who's the freak show". At least I thought it was over.

But Julia stopped the whole show and said something like - we really need to talk about this, and asked me to continue talking more. (Here I think Julia has probably morphed into Cornelia, my therapist).

So I talk more and I say, "Even if she did need that kind of help, and I don't think they do, then offer something that will help! Go over and see her more often, or do something, but else just shut up! How can you say something like that! Aargh!"

People did turn around and give me supporting looks so I didn't feel as alone but part of me was still so angry at that woman. Who let her into this place? How could she be so superficial and judgmental? Did she not know what had happened? WTF!!!!

(my suspicions that people were thinking stuff like this about us probably kept me from wanting any kind of organized religion where you have to "dress up" and come to church).

Sometime after this I woke up and I was still mad at that f'ing woman.
Who was she to say anything like that? I realized that obviously she wasn't anyone at UUFRC - I think she represents people at our church/town that I was afraid were thinking this about us when we were growing up.

We probably did look like the "wild women from Borneo" more than my mom would have wanted, but it felt like we were doing our best. I had the feeling that people were judging us (or at least pitying us) - watching us walk back and forth to and from the Care Center every day in the summer, etc. Very few offered us rides, only the people who knew us, probably to avoid us being freaked out by accepting rides from "strangers".

"you can do it, kiddo"

Today is Charlotte's memorial. The clarinet quartet, now dubbed "The Charlonets" after last night, is ready to go.

I woke up this morning not feeling very ready to go at all. Being a grown-up and one of the supports (hopefully ), in this really hard time, was feeling overwhelming. Plus hosting Ian and Jo, talking to Lisa about the photos, trying to help David if I can (who is the "onsite coordinator" for the service? I don't know).

And hoping everything will go well and David and the kids will have this as a relatively good memory that represents Charlotte, or at least tries to. (Note that I think the only thing I remember from Mom's funeral was Pastor Darrell's closing about the end of The Last Battle, and being so impressed that he actually read it).

In the midst of all this overwhelm I hear a voice in my head saying "you can do it, kiddo". Which I think must be from Mom since really I don't know Charlotte well enough for it to be Charlotte.

Or maybe it was both of them in a chorus. Anyway, I guess the real answer is that it is the part of me that holds my mom inside and tries to preserve her.

macaroni and cheese is comforting

I am having way more triggers back to Mom's sickness and death than I was expecting.

I don't want people to think that it is all about me when I bring up this loss - I think people are getting that. It is just so much stuff.

On Friday David called and asked if we could hang out with him on Saturday, so we did. I fielded some emails about the memorial book proposal for Charlotte and asked him directly in the car, responded back to the group.

I'm really glad we were able to help in some way even if only just being around with him. He actually ate while he was out with us - he hadn't been eating much of anything at all. It's just hard to know what to do. So I was pretty emotionally wiped after that but Saturday was still mostly about David and Charlotte.

Sunday I went to church and so many people approached me to thank me for pushing them to send memories (and also some comforting re: my mom too) - it realy started to trigger some of the stuff from my mom's death. David Z thinks it's because so many people did this at that time for me and there's really no where to put that feeling - "Yes, thank you for your concern," etc. You just want to get done with all of this grieving and get back to whatever the normal is.

After church we went to Fresh Choice and I had macaroni and cheese and I had this feeling sunk deep in the pit of my stomach, it was all numb, but I was still hungry and wanting the macaroni and cheese but just eating it mechanically as if I wasn't really there. I'm guessing that DS can relate to this feeling perhaps.

Then just now i got an email from the woman who's in charge of religious education at church - one of my students from my youth class just lost one of her mothers suddenly too (she lives in Japan).

Anyway. It's just a lot of stuff. I feel like there's no room for me to be feeling this now, I am "supposed" to be all done with this since it's 20 years later. I'm supposed to be a grown up and focusing on work and getting stuff done. Luckily I have my back to a window and am invisible back here behind my monitor at lunchtime.

remembering another young mom and friend

Our friend Charlotte S from the UUFRC congregation, just died today, very suddenly.
She was 39 (confirmed after DS sent out her birthdate - she was turning 40 in June) and was also married to a David. Both Dave and I really like(d) both of them. They are in the kindred spirits group (Cthulu dolls for the kids, Maker Faire attendees, musicians who play clarinet, piano, drums plus both scientists). They have 2 kids, a 5-year-old girl and 1 year old boy.

Dave and I feel a bit useless today because we can't focus on anything else and had heard there was a lot of support right now so we didn't go over to their house today. We plan to try to go over with food tomorrow.

I am writing a letter, mostly to their daughter Mirabel (and son Segen, but I am identifying more with Mirabel right now in solidarity as the oldest daughter).

I know the cards and letters that we got when Mom was sick and when she died, were most valuable if the people actually wrote something of what their memories were of Mom. Most of the cards just say "So sorry for your loss... The So and Sos." Or, they just signed the card "The so and sos".

That's great that they sent it and probably made them feel better that they did something, but at this point looking back from the future, I know I would have really appreciated more heartfelt thoughts - what were their memories of my mom? How did she touch their lives? Why exactly are they so sorry for our loss?

So, that's why I'm trying to write this letter but I realize I'm writing a lot of stuff that this family probably doesn't care about and is really only for me. I'm writing a draft of it in my journal so I can weed this stuff out and make sure the letter is a good one with less mistakes and cross-outs (which again is following in the footsteps of my mom - the draft letters I've found in that one notebook tell the tale).

Part of me is still just really mad. Why does stuff like this happen to people like Charlotte, as well as my mom, and the cancer that Anna O, Mieko, and now Claudia are dealing with?
They are the "good eggs" - they've got people depending on them, they inspire others (Charlotte just this week helped push me into clarinet again, along with Claudia).

Also I have my old recurring fantasy that has popped up more often in recent years with other friends losing loved ones. That regardless of the fact that Mom obviously does not know all these people, she knows them through us, and she's there (in wherever "there" is) to greet them and say hi.
Scott's mom, Scott's dad, Miryam, Abby Karow, Elisabeth R's dad, Shannon's dad, just all these people. Julia's Spot.

3 things I think Charlotte and Mom would find in common (just fyi for the intros there, you two!):
1. motherhood (and actually I think this is one of the reasons why I was drawn subliminally to C when first meeting her, is that she reminds me of the vague memory of my mom and the kind of mom she was.)
For example, my sister wrote this post about how independent and resourceful our mom was, and I saw a lot of that in C too.

2. science (metallurgy and medicine! Also Charlotte did what looks like a cool research project in Greenland that I suspect my mom would be curious about. And I think my mom would like things like the Maker Faire if she were here).

3. music - Mom played violin and loved music enough to get me into piano and clarinet (and thusly to inspire the twins as well)
Charlotte played piano and also clarinet which she was just now resurrecting via her clarinet quartet. She probably also played other instruments too...

Thoughts after UU

It is a gray day and I am at the Bart station waiting for a train to go back to SF, where I want to get some things done before Monday.

I feel kind of unexpectedly emotional though - partly from re-reading the Time-Traveler's Wife, which is so emotional at the end that it makes me feel like I might be wasting time not trying to have a baby right now? What if it does not happen?

And then we had the water ceremony at the uu which was also touching but not sure why. One member's mom just died suddenly and maybe that was part of the trigger.

Then I went to Tracey's Sunday school orientation which was really good to hear again how much this philosophy is what I think really makes sense.
But I felt a little bit judged by Tracey for whatever reason...probably because I am not sure I am together enough to be a good example for kids. Although she does want us to bring ourselves to the table. Does she know how much I still feel like I am in that age group?

Then I went outside to the car and Garrison Keillor was talking about how important confirmation is for Lutherans, and how The pastor in lake wobegon was thinking about how he probably will not see most of the kids again until they get married (maybe) and if they need to bury their parents. And he marvels at how little scripture they remember, after 2 years of Wed night classes.

Sitiing in the car listening to this reminded me of my confirmation classes, and that it was 1989 when I was confirmed, and that was really the last public event my mom participated in, she died in April 1990. And it was a big event. And Keillor is right, I did not go to church much after confirmation, except for now at the UU.
And then just now on Bart I realize that it was 20 years ago this month or next month when I was confirmed.
And 2010 will also be the 20th anniversary of her death.

I guess I should put this on the remembering mom blog too.

--
Solveig Zarubin
solveigp@gmail.com
Wandering Willows!
http://www.playfirst.com/game/wandering-willows

really miss her right now

Unexpectedly, even though it's 4 am in Wisconsin.

Maybe because part of me wonders if I would even feel the need to travel 1500 miles and spend 3 days at WisCon without the partial lure for a motherless person of almost 1000 people (many of them either mothers or old enough to be my mom) all here in the state where I was born, and many Midwestern that seem vaguely like her (and all so kick-ass, too).

I thought I was finally ready to go to sleep after talking to Dave on the phone but all of a sudden was overcome by a combo of tears and (self-pity?).

(ie - I keep looking for this mother-type figure that I'm not going to ever find. I find it overwhelming to feel more for a person than I think i'll get back, but I can't help it.)

Nisi (tiptree award winner) introducing her mom at the awards dinner. Of course if I ever was lucky enough to win such an award, dad would be there if he was still alive, and that would be fine.

It's just a general frustration/anger that I don't have a physical mom here anymore and no one is really going to be able to be that person.

Star Trek

I think that Mom would have liked the recent JJ Abrams Star Trek movie. I was sad when the credits rolled and I realized that Gene Roddenberry never got to see it, either.

mother's day 2009

I have been re-reading The City Not Long After because of the flu connection, and also because of the motherless connection.

I was thinking that it seemed kind of weird when Jax is looking for her mother in the city and it seems like her memories of her mother are almost as far away as my own. Her mother had just died (weeks?) before, but the scenes seem much more like it was years before.

Then when I got to the part where she finds her mother's house, I realized that she's really looking for who her mom was before the Plague, when her mom lived in San Francisco with her dad and her brothers. Before she fled the city and gave birth to Jax.

That explains a little more why the story and her emotional connection to her mom seems to resonate so much with me. The mom she knew most recently doesn't feel like her real mom, the woman before the Plague.

(and of course it's interesting with swine flu happening now. I hope Pat doesn't think I actually think that the events from her book are going to happen now. She looked kind of worried when I mentioned I was re-reading it, kind of in conjunction with Mother's Day and kind of in conjunction with the swine flu recent events).

I wrote a blog post for Can I Sit With You and actually sent it in last night, about trying to write about what it was like between 12 and 16.

knitting

Knitting in the last few days has made me feel closer to her (and to Kati and Kari) since they are already knitting.

I am also working on some Can I Sit With You submissions that might get linked here.

broken molds

"When they made you, they broke the mold!"

Walking home in the snow

I have a really distinct memory to share. I've been thinking about my childhood this week and the kids on the street that we lived on until Kari and I were 9 or 10. I remember that the boys up the street had a backyard that sloped to the river to create a giant sledding hill. The older boy had a toboggan that fit 3 of us. So it could be him and us twins or Solveig and his little brother and him. He was always steering because the goal was to fly down the hill and shoot across the river and land in the cattails on the other side. One time mom came to pick me up from their house and we were walking home and in hand. She stopped and pointed to something on her jacket near the lapel. It was a perfect snowflake. I asked if it was really. I'm sitting here writing this and I can still see it, with the mauve color of her benchwarmer coat as the background.

Prepping for NaNoWriMo 2008

Like last year I think I'm going to write at least in part about my mom as part of NaNoWriMo.

In 2006 I wrote a fantasy where I was able to jump into different parts of my mom's life, but i didn't finish it.

In 2007 I wrote kind of a "young adult" novel which was inspired by Pat Murphy and Ellen Klages, basically writing about myself and the experiences with my mom getting sick, but revising my teacher for gifted and talented class to be actually cool, and to be actually an amalgam of all these awesome mentor women that I wish I knew when I was growing up in North Dakota.

I actually did know some of them (Mrs. Langemo, Eileen Maresh, etc) but couldn't really connect with them.
Anyway - now I'm going to write I think about a character who is like my mom, but never had kids, and who either actually does become a doctor as a young woman, or who returns to medical school as a 2nd career (after being a med tech first).

This should be a great option for large descriptive passages about the med school experience and what it's like for someone who's not the same age as the other students. Lots of material for 50,000 words.

Anne Murray at the Blood Center

Yesterday I (Solveig) went to donate blood at the Stanford Blood Center on campus.
Apart from the overall desire to help in the current blood shortages (they are only 20% capacity of my blood type right now) - I somehow feel closer to my mom, just being in a lab.
Around all the (mostly) older women in white lab coats. I remember her telling stories about the lab where she worked, about the quest to find veins to stick, some of the crankier patients, being on call, doing rounds at the Care Center or the hospital.

Several years ago I was wandering around on campus (as an alum) and decided to give blood at a Bloodmobile on White Plaza. The woman who did the donation reminded me of my mom even more, she had brown hair, she was around the same height, and she was being very nice to me. I think she may have even called me "sweetie" at some point.

So yesterday the lady who was doing the initial screening (questions, blood pressure, temp, hemoglobin check) did not look like my mom at all (she was an older Indian lady) -- but she was very nice.

The point of this whole post - though, is that they were playing an Anne Murray album! I had thought it was just one song at first - but I was able to hear at least 3 while I was getting my tests done with the Indian lady. Kind of cheesily but it felt like my mom was watching, or was there. I was so happy because I thought I'd get to listen to it while I was donating blood in the next room, too.

Sadly, when I went next door to the donation room, I couldn't hear the music anymore...although I tried.

The donation went ok after that - everything fine. In the "cookies/juice" post area, I had an entertaining conversation with a Paly High debate team member (at least she had a Paly High debate t-shirt, may be now in college) - who was volunteering, and a 6th grader. Not sure how/if they were connected. I started talking with them because teenager asked me about the "Dishwasher Pete" book I was reading.

Then 6th grader pointed out that she was reading Harry Potter, and teen pointed out that she had lived each book of Harry Potter along with Harry - the same age as Harry for each book.

6th grader was very cute with a fleece zip-up with a horse's head on the front.
The 6th grader, very "old for her age", told very precise stories about her grandfather and the "grapes in his backyard" and the "other vineyards" that he has.
Both girls could say "prosciutto" (at least I can spell it) and the 6th grader told us a recipe from her grandmother that uses it.
The teenager had gone on a "medical mission" to Ghana recently with her mom's friend who is an OB/GYN, and her mom, who I think is a psychiatrist. Apparently the girl's job was to run in and out of the operating rooms bringing needed items.

I asked her if she wanted to be a doctor - was she doing this to get experience?

No, she said, she wanted to go to Ghana and it seemed like a fun thing to do... She never said what she is interested in doing.

I didn't realize until I started writing about these two girls, that they could represent me at this two important points: when i was 12 and Mom went into the coma, and when I was 16 and she died. (And if teen is college, also when I was 18 and left home to go to Stanford, leaving the twins at home).
I don't think I was even 1/10 as confident as the 6th grader. She acts literally as if the world is her oyster. So well supported.
The teenager was a little rougher around the edges but she also just seemed so herself. for example, she was supposed to make sure people stay in the break area for 15 min after donating. She would write the time to leave on the person's juice cup, but instead of writing the full time, she just wrote the number from the clock.
So I was supposed to leave at the "6" so she had scrawled a six on the cup. I wound up staying until the 8 because the chat was so interesting. And there were good cookies.

Memories of Mom from Ginny

Two years ago I (solveig) got this really awesome email from my godmother Ginny, when I asked her for memories of what it was like for my mom during the time when they became friends, living in Wisconsin before I was born (and after I was born!)

I wanted to hear more about what my mom might have felt like - since she was pregnant with me while her own mom was sick (Ragnhild "Ruggie" Dahlen). Ruggie died in December 1973, only a few months before I was born in March 1974.



The picture on the top is Tom and Ginny in May 2008 when I went to WisCon in Madison and got a chance to visit with them and their daughter Anne and her husband Joe (and unborn baby Chloe, as pictured with Anne and Ginny in the bottom picture).


quote begins below. I might break this up into separate posts since it's kind of long. But it is also very interesting all together too. Hopefully I can scan in some old pictures from this actual time frame as well....


I'm sorry I've taken so long to answer your questions, and I'm not sure how completely I can answer them. Tom and I moved to Monroe in June 1973 as soon as we graduated from college. We were pretty occupied with our first "real" jobs, and planning our wedding for the first several months we were there.

I think your folks moved there roughly the same time we did. Your mother was working evenings in the hospital lab so Tom got to know her, and your dad was teaching at the high school and got to know Larry L. We all belonged to Grace Lutheran Church and were all in the same general age group. We were also all not Swiss in a community where "there is one way, the right way, the Swiss way."
(note that Monroe is the "Swiss Cheese Capital of the World and that the mail order company Swiss Colony is there...)

It came as quite a surprise to me when Tom came home from work and said that your Mom had asked if we would be your Godparents. We knew there were family members they could have asked, and friends they had known far longer than they had known us. We were happy to accept the honor and responsibility, and made a point of spending more time together from then on.

Your mother was traveling back to Minot as often as she could to spend time with her mother. I remember asking her if she was concerned about traveling that much while she was pregnant. She told me that the worst that could happen was that she would have the baby in Minot where she had a doctor she knew and she would be surrounded by family and friends.
(Kati was very impressed by all this driving. Note that this is a 12 hour drive, 795 miles, from Minot, ND to Monroe, WI, completely crossing the state of Minnesota and going more than halfway across ND.
See map. It seems like it would feel scary to me to think about potentially going into labor alone on the road, if she wasn't close enough to Minot.)


I can only guess as how much she missed her mother during that time. Tom's mother died 15 years ago and I constantly find myself wanting to share things with her - all the wonderful landmarks in the kids' lives - confirmation, graduation, having a poem or story published, and of course their engagements and weddings. It's still painful not to be able to tell her that Anne shares her love for quilting. Your mother had to have experienced the same thing with all those wonderful milestones in your life - your first smile, you rolled over for the first time, you took your first step .
(and it is really hard right now, not sharing the milestones that Ginny mentions above like engagements and wedding with my mom too. And trying to imagine what it would be like if I had a baby without her around.)

I gave a baby shower for you and your mom a couple of weeks after you were born. The guests were friends from church and from the lab. It was a very pink shower; I don't remember the whole menu, but I know there were mini cream puffs filled with pink cream, and that one of the beverage choices was Southern Comfort Open House Punch. Leanne L. didn't realize that the
punch had alcohol in it and when she got home told Larry that the spike was punched.

Your house was on the way home from work for Tom and me, and more days than not we stopped on the way home for at least a few minutes. We were in full agreement with your folks that you were the most beautiful baby we had ever seen. Tom took a photography class and had a variety of assignments to turn in. Somehow no matter what the subject of the assignment was, he managed to have you in the pictures.
(need to scan in some of these...)

I don't remember how much time she was able to have off work with you. I know you had a baby buggy, and by summer most evenings when she was working your dad would put you in the buggy and the two of you would walk the few blocks to the hospital to have supper with her.
(this almost reminds me of us going up to the hospital or Care Center to have supper or watch tv with her in 1986-90 when she was there after coming out of the coma...)

We got to spend part of your first Christmas with you. Your Dad's parents
had come for the holidays, but we came for Christmas Eve too. Ruth (my grandmother, dad's mom- whom we called "Bestemor - Norwegian for "best mother".) was making eggnog - far more potent than I was expecting since I was used to eggnog straight from the carton. I had made rommegrot (I make it better than I spell it) and I remember a pudding that we needed to eat very carefully to find out if we had the intact almond in our serving.
(note, I remember having this many times at Bestemor's also)

Your mom was on call, but was home most of the evening before she got called in to work. When we were opening gifts I got to hold you and share your excitement with the pretty paper and bows and all those good things.

Tom and I lived in a 3 room flat, and you were in a house, so it was natural that most of the time we spent together was at your house. There was a screen room on the back of the house and we spent a lot of summer evenings together there. The 4th of July we decided to make lefse. Not one of our better decisions. We made a large batch of lefse dough, and started rolling and baking it. It was a hot, humid day and somehow we apparently got some wild yeast into it because we had potato rising bread. We worked for hours rolling and baking that lefse. Tom was on call that day, and got to escape for a while. The rest of us just kept rolling and baking lefse. Oddly enough I can't remember a thing about the quality, only the quantity.

I had grown up on the Betty Crocker Cookbook as the basic; your mother grew up with The Joy of Cooking. She told me that with any of the friends she grew up with, if someone wanted a recipe the answer was always "page .."
(this is interesting because it seemed like Mom used the Betty Crocker cookbook more when we were growing up. It was all dog eared and several pages had stains on them, especially the cookie recipes, I remember.)

We decided to go together to process corn late summer. Your dad, Tom and I went and bought a couple bushel of sweet corn. When your Mom got home from work that day we were all husking corn like crazy, then blanching it, cutting it off the cobs and packaging it for freezing. Again, a project that was a lot bigger than we intended.

Your folks wanted to make some repairs around the house, and Tom is pretty handy, so he helped. I know he helped rip out the contact paper that was the tub surround in the upstairs bathroom and put in a real tub surround. I vaguely remember him helping do something with the ceiling. He and your parents had been working all day, and I stopped on my way home from work. They were just finishing up when I got there. It was a hot summer day and
that was the memorable occasion when I first drank a whole can of beer.

Shortly before we moved we were over at your house and your mom gave us a "thank you" gift for the help with the house. It was a Sunbeam Mixmaster. All I had was a little portable mixer, and I was into cake decorating. It couldn't handle a big batch of butter cream. I had borrowed your mother's Kitchenaid mixer a time or two when I had a big cake to do. When we unwrapped the mixer, she told me that I'd have to buy my own Kitchenaid, but this should help in the meantime.

We moved back to Eau Claire so Tom could go to grad school. Not seeing you several times every week was the hardest part of the move. We did get back down to spend your second birthday with you. There had been a horrible ice storm the day before. It was an interesting trip down from Eau Claire. We stopped at your house - the front yard looked like someone had emptied an
ice machine there with all the ice "cubes". The power was out there, and we found you and your mom at L's. I had made a big rag doll for you.
(I remember the doll but not sure what has happened to it now. Is it still at the Valley City house?)
I got the pattern from my mother-in-law. I was pretty much a novice at sewing and the pattern called for felling the seams. I had no idea what a felled seam was. All of us at work put our heads together and came up with the answer, but it took us a while. Not like now when you can Google
practically anything.
(this ice storm was documented by Mom in my baby book too...)

It wasn't too much later that your Dad got a job in Milwaukee and you moved away from Monroe too; then a short time later you all moved back to North Dakota.

I was working evenings at Luther Hospital in Eau Claire at the time. Tom called me late in the shift to say you were in town for the night - that you were moving back to North Dakota and could I get off work early so we could spend some time with you. My co-workers agreed to cover for me so we went to the motel where you were and spent a couple of hours together. I remember you lying on the floor of the motel room showing us the exercises you and
your babysitter did every morning.

early picture

This is my favorite picture of my mother, most of the ones of her before she was sick are still at home and the others I have here are from the fall before she died, so this is really the best one we have handy (except for the senior picture that Kati scanned in).

I think this is at Lake Sakakawea in central North Dakota, judging from the size of the body of water. This is probably early marriage (since she was married at 23) and pre-my birth, when she was 26.

Mom and Us

This is all of us, probably around 1982 or so. (Kati says that Kati and Kari are around 3 or maybe 4), so it has to be 1982 or 1983.
There is a later picture of us all together before Mom got meningitis in April of 1986 and went into a coma, but she is wearing her wig in that one... (She did come out of the coma but spent most of the next 3 years in a nursing home).

I am wearing my beloved blue Star Wars Darth Vader watch (digital). Kati has a memory of this day, she said. But I'll let her decide if she wants to contribute it.

Mom's Family and also Church

This is Mom's Confirmation picture with her mother, Ragnhild "Ruggie" Dahlen, and her dad, Lester Dahlen.
Ruggie died in 1973 before I (Solveig) was born, and I just realized relatively recently, how hard that must have been for her. She was only 25 when her mom died, and it was right before she was about to have her first child. I never thought about this loss being such a blow to her, because I always thought of it as if "she was a grown-up already." She was our mom. "Now if she were a _kid_ - that would be hard!"

In my Motherless Daughters group, so many people who are mothers now, talk about how hard it was having their children without their mom around.

We got to see Grandpa Dahlen quite a lot because Mom and Dad moved back to North Dakota from Wisconsin. We only lived about 2 hours drive from Grandpa, so we got to visit "Whynot, Minot" and I learned the exact order of all the towns from Bismarck to Minot. Riding in the backseat with a backpack full of books, I also pored over the map quite a lot.

When we moved to Valley City in 1982 we were about 2.5 hours further away, but we still got to see Grandpa fairly often. When Mom got sick with the meningitis in 1986, Grandpa started coming down to see her every week.
He would drive all 5 hours down and have lunch with us, and then drive all the way back the same day.

On the religion and Confirmation topic - we remember her being a lot more serious about religion than Dad is, but we didn't go to church at all until we started Sunday school. We heard that she really liked our Valley City church (Our Savior's) because it reminded her of First Lutheran Church in Minot. And then when we visited First Lutheran, I think for Grandpa's recent funeral, Kati noted that they are very similar.

Special Mom Phrases

Here is a list:

• "Your eyes are so blue you look like you drank the Windex"
• "Give that girl/boy a quarter"
• "I'll sell you to the gypsies!"
• "You look like nobody loves you!" (Solveig remembers this being said if she tried to leave the house with wild hair).
• we were also sometimes told "You look like the Wild Woman from Borneo!"
  
• (from tape with Solveig as toddler): "I wouldn't sell you for a million dollars."
• Solveig: laughs
• "Do you have a million dollars?"
• Solveig: laughing, "no"
• "I wouldn't take it!"
• Solveig: laughs more.

Kari:

I also remember how she used to smash up aspirin and put it in a spoon with maple syrup to make it more palatable, and also when I would get upset (I remember getting upset a lot) she would put maple syrup on a spoon and give it to me like it was medicine. Does anyone else remember this?

Music She Liked

I think that Mom's favorite singer was Anne Murray:

She used to listen to Anne in the kitchen while making dinner.
I think we feel very comforted by hearing Anne's songs because of this, even the newer ones that Mom had never heard.
Here's Anne singing "Snowbird." thanks, You Tube!

At my wedding, Dad and I danced to Anne's version of "What a Wonderful World". Before the wedding I could hardly listen to it without tearing up and it was a little hard to dance in front of so many people, but we got through it. Anne hadn't done this version when Mom was alive.
Someone made a YouTube video of a compliation of images of Otago, New Zealand with this song in the background, makes me want to go to NZ.



We think that she also liked John Denver, but not sure if this was because the only two 8 tracks we had for our VW Campmobile were John Denver's "Some Days are Diamonds" and Luciano Pavarotti's "Greatest Hits".

Here's an interesting YouTube of John singing Some Days are Diamonds on a German show in 1982. "Meine Damen und Herren - John Denver!"